I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
FUCK WHALES
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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