Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
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Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
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sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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