I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
