He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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