I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My ass is underappreciated
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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