It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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