I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
