Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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