Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
