If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Drake has all the answers
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
