Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
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