So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
