She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
