so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
