This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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