somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
