i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
