your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
