If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
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Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
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Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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