SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i dont even know how to be here
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
