He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
