I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You dont lie about slip and slides
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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