Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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