At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My vagina just clenched in fear
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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