I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
