some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
