On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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