ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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