So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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