So drunk, too bad you don't want this
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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