What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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