Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
