apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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