I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Liz is crying about burritos again.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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