FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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