I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
