Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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