We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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