i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
