Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
