she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
love makes seman taste better
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
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