I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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