I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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