the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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