dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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