I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
