I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
