If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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