He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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