laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
