You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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