Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
