Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
