She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
