Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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