you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
