Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
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well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
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Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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