Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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