He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
