i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
