White coat. Heels.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
