$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My life is pants optional.
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