cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
