How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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