I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
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The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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