Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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