apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
