I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
