I met the friendliest cop last night
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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