McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
