mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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