i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
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A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
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Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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