I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
