Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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