There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
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Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
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You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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