I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
