So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
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Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
