Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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