I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
