please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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