She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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